The taxing day

 12 Oct 2024

Today I could feel you throughout the day. Morning, afternoon, night. And I am glad you are not a night owl :) Looks like you are becoming stronger, You seem to be moving throughout. It's a superb feeling and I just love it when I feel you. I remembered daddy today - it would have been so happy to have him with us and feel you.

14 Oct 2024

Chotu - I am sorry again. Yesterday and today was tough. I cried throughout remembering daddy. As usual, he does not respond and even when he does, he just takes me left and right and portrays me like a witch. My hopes are slowly diminishing. I kept trying to call him, kept trying to explain about how it's impacting you, but no use. I don't think he cares. His sister says he misses me, but I don't see it anymore. He is having fun and enjoying his time without us. He knows more about his friend's pregnancy, her complications, her leaves than mine. Daddy does not love me anymore. I thought he at least loves you, but I was wrong. He does not love you too.

But you take so much care of me. In spite of all the stress I give you, you were still active today throughout. I am sorry, I could not enjoy your presence today. Your aatya gave me hopes, that daddy still loves me, but she is wrong. He doesn't. He won't come back to us. It's over. Even if he does, it won't be the same. He will always treat me with hatred.

Love you baccha though. I am also stressed of my job. Already 3 weeks leave and now my boss is insisting I come down to office. I am not sure what to do now.I need to work, need to have an incoming income for my debts, for rising expenses, for your future. Suddenly everything seems to be going against me.

But your presence keeps me positive. I will go with the flow. I had half a mind to travel down to Kolkatta this week to meet Daddy. But reading all the possible risks, I am now two minded. How can I risk you, already have troubled you enough. But I don't think it will be same with Daddy and me ever again. Slowly I am getting to know him better. He is not what I thought he was - a gentleman, he isn't. I will no longer wait for him now, all my hopes are broken and shattered.

I am waiting for Feb, for you to be in my hands. And now I will only focus on you, my baccha. Be happy and healthy and just be with me like this always. Love you!!!