17 Oct 2024
Daddy finally messaged me today. He sent me a reel about toxic relationships. He indicated that he is in trauma because of me. I still don't know what's in his mind. I don't know whether he is willing to be together or wants me to walk away. I could not come to tell him that how I was slowly going into depression and how that is impacting you. I could not tell him about my complications, I don't think he was in a state of mind to care about them.
I kept asking him what will keep him happy. I did not get any answer. I don't know whether he wants me to walk away or be together. Maybe he wants me to walk away but is not able to explicitly say that due to family pressure. I can't live without him though, you know that Chotu. But I can't even force him to accept me. I want him to be happy. Is he indicating that he is happier without me ? I have no idea, what's going on in Daddy's mind. I feel he wants to live a life without me.
Should I walk away Chotu? Then what about you? You will be forever deprived of a father. There is no mistake of yours in all this. Life is tough. And I am super sorry that I made it tough for you even before you are out in this world. Please be there with me always. Daddy hates Mamma now. All the love is gone. But I still love him and will continue till eternity. You will know Mamma's love Chotu when you come in this world. And which is why Mamma also expects a lot.
I only have questions today and don't think I would ever get the answers. Sorry Chotu for all the suffering. I don't know what's next, so I will let things go with the flow and accept whatever is in store for me.
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